Back to Square 1

Do you ever feel like your life is starting to finally make a little bit of sense. Like there is a path God is leading you down it maybe be a little abstract but you feel like it's the right direction. Then all of the sudden things change. The path is not what you thought and you are suddenly yanked in a totally different direct. I don't know whether I'm just not very good at listening or if God is saving from a path I was never ment to go down. Either way I feel like a little peice of my heart is breaking. No specifics. I'm just saddened that when I feel like I'm begining to understand and find security God does something that takes me right back to square one. Sometimes I think that after all that has happened in the past few years I deserved a little break. I forgot that trials really never stop coming, and we are meant to grow with each and everyone of them. Wheather the seem small or grand.

Catch Up

Well I wish I would remember to blog more often it would save me from having to do this long winded catch up ones.

First things first my Uncle Russ who is one of the best men I know, had a heart attack over the weekend. It was a mild heart attack as far as it didn't really cause a whole lot of damage. But he does have some blockage that can't be fixed with a stint. He has to have triple bypass surgery this week. It really sucks because he doesn't deserve this he is such a good person. He and my Aunt are really scared and just kind of devastated form the whole things so please keep them in you thoughts and prayers.

The next is that I got hired on full time at my company. So exciting it was a huge blessing. I really love my job and the people I work with and I know not many people can say that so I feel very blessed to be part of such a great group. That also means we have Health Benefits for the first time in over a year. Woohoo!!!! So maybe more babies aren't to far off for us. We are definitely ready for more kids.

We also have been at a new church serving on there worship team. Dan took a position as the Worship director at Centerpoint Community Church in Lancaster. I really love it there. I am getting to know a lot of the women in the church and they are such a blessing to me. There is something about spending time with your girlfriends that is just good for the soul.

Dan has also been crazy busy with the band. Next year it will be even more busy. I'm am really proud of him though. One of the reasons I married him was because he was so passionate about his dreams. He has never given up on what he felt God calling him to do. And trust me there has been many times where he been discouraged enough by situation and people to quite. But here he is doing what he does best because this is what God has asked him to do with his life. I love him more everyday. By they way its going on 7 years we have been together. Crazy how fast time goes.

Lastly my sister had her fifth baby in July and my brother had his first in November. Both so sweet and so cute. I could just snuggle Nadia all day long and can't wait to see them at Christmas time and Hopefully I will get to meet little Angelo sometime in January. He is so cute though looks just like my brother. But in some pictures I can definitely see Maria. So precious.

Life Changing Moments

Ok so last night I spoke at Bethesda's Women's Banquet. I wasn't really nervous except for the fact that I knew that I would probably cry through most of it. Which I did. I have to say though for not really being good at this sort of thing God totally had his way last night. I was so thoroughly exhausted by the end of it but what an amazing feeling of God's presence.
You know as I approach the one year anniversary of my son's death I wasn' t really sure how I was going to feel I'm mean I know that it will be a hard day. But honestly I know that no matter what I feel or how hard that day is that I know that God is going to be right there beside me hurting with me. Sometimes in our grief all we see is our own pain, but last night it was just so clear to me how much God hurt right along side of us. When we hurt he hurts, when we cry he crys. He is such a big God I don't know why I keep trying to put him in box. He never ceases to amaze me and never never never leaves me to fight my battles alone.

Last night I basically just went through the whole story not every little detail because that would have been way longer than an hour. Just enough to convey the severity of the situation, along with the message of hope. I don't consider anything that we have gone throughout to be any more or less significant than the pain that life brings to everyone. Our circumstances are all different but God uses the uniqueness of all of our Journey's to speak into the lives of those around us. My story can affect certain people, just like anyone else's. The reason God chose to take my son home is because his work on earth was done. The rest of us are still here because God is not done with us yet. And Johnathans legacy will live on through me and my husband and our families forever. We are forever changed for the better. Stronger people because of it and blessed to have been given Johnathan for the time we had him.

My life has changed so dramatically this year. I have gain a lot of perspective on what I a meant to do with the journey God has placed me on. I am starting school in January. I am going back for my Bachelor's in Bible/Theology with the intent of specializing in church ministry. My main was focus will be Women's ministry. There is something about getting a group of women together and baring you souls to one another. It causes us to be extremely vulnerable but the friendships we gain are so precious. It is such a beautiful thing the way God created us to be. As messy and emotional as we can be sometimes I love that there are moments when you can be absolutely exposed and be loved regardless of flaws. And lets face we are all flawed.

I thank God for what he is doing in my life and in the lives of the people I love. I pray that our relationship with him is ever changing and growing so that he can mold us into exactly who he intended us to be. TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!!!!

Distracted

Wow. Two days in a row that I'm blogging. I guess I'm getting better. Today is just one of those days I am having a hard time focusing. I'm at work and I'm getting this done but I am having such a hard time not getting sidetracked. Thus the blog right now. My life outside of work is just so much more interesting and busy its hard not to constantly be thinking about it. For instance this weekend I am going to the Worlds Largest Yard Sale at the fairgrounds, I am speaking a the Women's Banquet for Bethesda Sunday and tonight I need to put the finishing touches on my notes for it. Just so much to do. I love my job but I just can't get it together today. Oh well good thing there's only few hours left.

Money

Ok so I am so mad right now. Last year we had some medical bills and I use the term some very loosely. But we paid one of our last ones in April of this year. And the stupid hospital decided to wait four months to take it out. I know ridiculous right. I have been on the phone all day trying to figure out what happened and basically am getting the theres nothing we can do. Which is just a load of crap. I had 158.00 charge taken out of my account without my even knowing. I just assumed hum! I pay in April it comes out in April not four freakin months later. What the heck. The even crazier thing is that the bill was sent by error. We were never meant to even pay it. The insurance company screwed up. Big surprise there. So now I have to wait at least three weeks to be reimbursed. AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! So frustrating.

Baby Nadia Claire

So I went down to my sisters last week to await the arrival of her fifth yes fifth child. I was to be there at the birth. I was so excited to be there and share this experience with my sister and my awesome brother-in-law.

I drove done Friday night we weren't sure if I would make it. Well turns out little Nadia had other plans. She was just not ready to come out. I was there a total of 9 days before I had to come home to go back to work. What a bummer. I was so dissapointed that I couldn't be there.

You see my sister and I have this amazing relationship and it is always hard to leave. But this time it held a little more sadness.

But and there is always a but, what a wonderful week I had with her and all my nieces and nephews. I miss so much of there live being so far away. The time I get to spend with them is so precious.

God really just had other plans, and I have to trust that his will is always perfect. For some reason I was not meant to be there. But I get to love little Nadia with all my just like Emily, Kaleb, Avery, and Levi. What a sweet gift is to be an aunt.

WELCOME Nadia, you are very loved. I can't wait to meet you.

Texas

So I am trying to get a million things done before we leave for Texas tomorrow. Not to mention I have had a crazy day at work. Actually all week has been nuts. This has been the weak for problimatic invoices.
Tonight I have to finish laundry clean clean clean. Bedroom bathroom kitchen and vaccum. Then I have to pack. I need a few more hours in the day. Although it would be so bad if I was such a procrastinator.
Anyways tomorrow Dan and I leave for Texas to go and mininster at his Aunts Church. Im not sure where exactly it s at. Dan did give me a whole lot of info. I didn't even know what time our flight left until yesterday. Im excited. I ve never been to Texas well at least not that I can remember. So this will be a fun experience. My last trip did go so well as far as air travel goes so I am hoping we have an easier time tomorrow. This month is sort of the kick off to a crazy summer for us. In June I leave for Richmond sometime to go see my sister when she has her baby. I am so excited I can't wait. Then Dan is pretty much gone all summer with different shows. I June alone he is gone every weekend except for one. I am so excited for him though. He like a little kid he gets to do what hes always dreamed.
I ll write more later. Got to go back to work.

Attempting To Start Blogging

Well here goes. I m not sure how much I will keep up with this, but its sounds like a good way to let everyone know whats going on in my life.

First I just got back from a much needed trip to see my family. We had such a great time together. It is so hard being so far apart. We only get to see each other a couple times a year. We're pretty close too so not seeing each other is hard. I can't believe how time changes things. Looking at my sisters kids they grow so fast. I can't believe how different the all are every time I see them. And now my brother having his first baby. It's crazy. I'm glad that I will be seeing them again soon. Well a couple of months.

My mom and I had plans to fly out Thursday night to Newark then on to Raleigh. Well of course flying never quit works out like you plan. We got there with plenty of time to spare and as we were waiting to board we hear that our flight was delayed only a mere 3 hours. Rediculous. We were going to miss our connecting flight in Newark. We went up to the counter to talk to an agent thank God we were only second in line. But of course we got someone who didn't have a clue what she was talking about. She told us that every flight with every carrier through every city was booked. Ya right. But she made no effort to accomidate us. She told us the earliest we could get out was Saturday. Sort of pointless we had to come back Monday. Then we tried to just rent a car to drive down and keep our returning flights for Monday so that at least we wouldn't have to drive both ways. She told us that because we wouldn't be rescheduling our outgoing flights that they would cancel our returning flights. What the heck kind of airline is this. AAAAaaaaa!!!!! So frustrating. So we ended up canceling everything and just drove 12 hours there and 12 hours back. Mind you that my brother was on the phone with us looking at flights both days. Why he could find them and she couldn't I'll never know. All I know is that I will never fly continental again. They are horrible. But we got there and it was worth the drive. I love spending time with my brother and sister and her many children.