Missing Him

So I have gone through a lot of different stages in this pregnancy. I think I have felt every emotion there is at some point or another. The last few days I have felt this aching like something is missing. The missing piece is Him. These last few days I haven't been able to think about much else other than how I should be preparing my two year old to meet his little sister. But I don't get to do that. I get to to tell her all about him but she will never know his sweet face. Really I barely knew it myself but I'm left with what little bit I have to share with her. How do I look my daughter in the face and try to tell her about her big brother she will never know on this earth. How do I look at her face and not see his. Maybe thats the point. Maybe I am meant to see him in her always. I am so grateful for Emma but it so hard for people to grasp that I love her very differently than Johnathan. A mother's heart expands with each child. So her birth doesn't make up for the ache I feel for my son. My heart just makes more room for her. Each day is a little different. Some days are easier than others. Today is not so easy. I'm missing him very much today.